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Love You, Goodnight

As we mentioned before, one day each month the CCCWA (Chinese Center of Children's Welfare & Adoption) releases to all agencies a shared list of special needs children newly eligible for adoption. According to our placing agency and a lot of chatter on several China-specific adoption message boards (which we honestly steer clear of during the rest of the month because you could drive yourself insane speculating and comparing your situation to everyone else’s!), the lists have been very small for several months in a row now. Matches have been kind of few and far between, and wait times seem to be increasing.

Unfortunately, October was no exception. A list was released on Monday the 21st, and alas, we did not receive a match. All it means is that our daughter simply has not yet had her paperwork completed and her “finding ad” run in the local papers around where she was discovered. Were we disappointed? Well of course. But were we surprised? Not so much. Sunday night in bed after the lights were out:

Kevin: Do you think she’s on the list?

Me: For some reason, I don’t think so.

Kevin: Me neither. Love you, goodnight.

Me: Love you, goodnight.

And that was that.

Maybe we already have parent’s intuition, or maybe we just know better than to be fully optimistic during this process. Cautiously optimistic is the more realistic, healthy place to be when it comes to adoption. Even though we were pretty certain this was not our time, it has still been a long week of trying not to hope an Oregon area code displays on the screen any time our phone rings. We know we are going to be matched, and we’re ready when that time finally arrives. Now we just wait another month, and continue to pray that the paperwork starts moving a little faster… for our daughter, and for all the other little ones and families waiting to finally be brought together forever.

We love you too little lotus, goodnight.

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"I am a lotus flower – delicate, fragile, yet strong... floating, unfolding, and blossoming into the life where I belong.”